I suppose I'm supposed to write something profound for the New Year...talk about resolutions, hopes, yada yada. I guess if I was a decent blog writer I would, but I'm just not in the place to do that right now. Those close to me know what I want this year. They know I want more time, more memories, more laughter. They know that I want my important relationships to grow, become stronger and they sure as hell know what they mean to me (because I'm getting a lot better at letting them know...and at letting them in). There may have been un-necessary silences, there may have been too much distance in 2010...too much wallowing on my part, but that time is over.
That's as close as I can get to reflection right now. There's so much happening around me that I can't completely think clearly. There are lives falling apart, friends who may have a very different New Years next year, marriages that haven't made it...marriages that still might not. I've watched hearts be broken and felt helpless and stuck. I haven't been able to fix anything for anyone. I haven't been able to stop their hurting (and in some cases provided more pain).
I guess what I hope more than anything is that this year I become a better person, a better friend, a better lover. I hope I bring more joy than sadness and I hope I have enough energy to help heal all those broken hearts. If I can't help them heal, maybe I can just lighten them a little and give them hope for something brighter.